A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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