Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
