is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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