Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
