If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
