She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize