Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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