Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
