Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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