Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
