glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you win again, gameday.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
