you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
