Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
