I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize