I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Less talking, more tequila
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
