I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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