Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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