i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
