Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
