Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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