So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize