I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
