I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
