he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
