im about as happy as oj after his trial
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
