I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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