My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
