her vagine was all disorganized.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
