i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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