Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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