My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
