Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
3 2 1 whiskey
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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