I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
