one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Will exercising make me less horny?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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