dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
