So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
