I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We got so high we made milksteak
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
