someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
