Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize