dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
