I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
