We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize