In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
