i permit you to call me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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