just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
