What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
