I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
