well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
