I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
