Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
