It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
