I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
