I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
