This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
