Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
