She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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