Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
