You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
