Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
