I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
