Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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