Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
