One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
