It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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