the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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