If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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