She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
