Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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