sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
