I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
