But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
