WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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