I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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