I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
