My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
bring money and cleavage
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
