Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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