hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
