Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
try to milk me bitch
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
