So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
