Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
