I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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