yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
