just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
