I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
