My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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