allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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