she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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