dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
