mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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