1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
