i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
