you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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