don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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