if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
