just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
how does that bad decision feel?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
