What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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