I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
