Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
