Screwed.edu
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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