u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
