i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
