I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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