My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
