If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
