Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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